tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post3088021254683871100..comments2024-03-25T16:27:37.609-04:00Comments on Wise Law Blog: Are Canada's Child Support Guidelines Unfair to "Second" Families?@wiselawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16852672948478340298noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-64053786581813784742013-09-23T16:35:35.377-04:002013-09-23T16:35:35.377-04:00In response to the posts by "Second but best!...In response to the posts by "Second but best!"..<br /><br />The bottom line is simple...parents are responsible for their own children! She has an autistic child from a previous relationship. She used to work full time to provide for him. Then the government cut her funding because they had a combined income of $80,000 that year!! That falls into the top 19% of family household income in Canada!! The average income of a Canadian family is just under $48,000...I'm not sure how $80k warrants "extreme poverty"! On top of their income, she received $800 in government benefits for childcare expenses so she could go to work and hired my older son to babysit after school til she got home. He received only $600 of that money, putting $200 of that into her own pocket! So I think she quit to have those benefits reinstated. Her son goes to school 5 days a week, gone for 8 hours a day, even the judge told her that she is responsible for her own son, so if it means working while he's in school, so be it!<br /><br />I, have also been on both sides of the fence. I have been the payee, and the payor. I took her to court because I was paying support for my son, even after he graduated from high school, relocated to the city, and worked full time! I was looking for back pay of over $2000 because she refused to change the agreement. I waived those arrears because I was 4 months pregnant at the time, and didn't want to be in court AGAIN< 2 months before I was to give birth.<br /><br />2 months after I had the baby, my daughter found a note my ex's wife had written stating that my son would move in with them in May of this year, and that she would impute income on me based on my decision to have my tubal ligation reversal! She had calculations for child support and cctb figured out. This was after we had been in court, with a completed "Voices of the Children" report, stating they wanted to live with me.<br /><br />She keeps talking about equality for "all" our children. Every parent is responsible for: 1) shelter, 2) food, and 3) clothing. Anything else they aquire is just a bonus. She wants to talk about how my kids have a higher standard of living in my home, than her son..the boy has 2 ipads, a computer, 2 flat screen tvs, has every gaming system under the sun, and countless dvds. And when he wants something else, all he has to do is write it on the calender, and he expects it, in a timely fashion! My kids have some nice clothes, my son has an xbox, and my daughter has an ipod, both paid for with their own money. <br /><br />Simply, they control the situation they are in. The guidelines did not put them in that position, their choices do. They are both smokers....seems to me that he reported $3000 a year in tobacco expenses, and he uses marijuana. I lived with him for 16 years, and I know how much he used to spend..do the math? That's over $10,000 in additional monies they "could" have for any of her sons added expenses. Not to mention, most of her sons expenses are tax deductible.<br /><br />She's tried taking my cctb away numerous times. Even going as far as calling me stating that I had to sign it over to her for the summer months because my children were in their care for that month. I called in to cctb, got the correct information, relayed it to her. All she replied with was how she needed extra money to pay off her credit card debt, so she thought she'd try.<br /><br />She's trying everything in her power to sabotage me. My kids have extracurricular activities he's never paid for, nor will I ask. I have only expected support based on the guidelines. No more, and no less. I did not get any breaks paying support for my son. I was seasonally employed, and I paid even when I was laid off, just because it was for my kid. <br /><br />She once stated "Yes! Father's should pay for their children, but not at the expense of another child." I don't understand how she expects my ex to put the needs of her son, from a previous relationship, over the needs of his own children.ex wife shrewnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-2608759147439427772013-08-15T13:18:17.143-04:002013-08-15T13:18:17.143-04:00My husband had always paid child support,good...th...My husband had always paid child support,good...that's not my problem.My problem is how much we pay now...we have another child and we do have to always watch our spending.By the end of the month we are at 0$ .we've never had a vacation.We don't spend that much for our child...they say 'you have to support your child' good,but it seems to me we pay for absolutely everything for him.She doesn't mind taking him to expensive daycares cause we pay almost all of it!you know what? Sometimes I just want to cry...I'm wondering...did any of these parents that receive money say 'this is how much we need ,you don't have to pay more' ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-27972837442111603512013-07-15T11:27:56.088-04:002013-07-15T11:27:56.088-04:00Anonymous,
I find it appalling the injustice here...Anonymous, <br />I find it appalling the injustice herein Canada after reading the postings , especially of second families. I myself married to a man who has two children from a previous marriage. His ex left the marriage for someone else, took the children to another country. My husband moved their to be near his children and increased child support without judgement. His ex wife now earns over 180 000 us tax free money, not to mention her job provides an education allowance for the two children. She came to Québec to use the federal child support table for her two children 18 and 20 . My husband earns 66000 gross and we have three children Under 12. My salary and my husband's do not match his ex's salary, but the judge ordered my husband to pay 750/month of his take home salary to his ex who passes her time having plastic surgery. It is summer time I earn less in order to stay home with the kids, summer camp is too expensive for three kids, we do not take vacation, we do not eat out. This is the Canadian justice system.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-51410672181176935132013-06-08T21:33:35.946-04:002013-06-08T21:33:35.946-04:00Both Parents are responsible for their children, t...Both Parents are responsible for their children, too often one parent wants the other parent to pay for all the expenses. My husbands ex-wife stop working to be a stay home mother, 18 years ago, and has been living solely of child support my husband has paid. His oldest son is now 18 years old, and just finished high school. Although he is no going to attend post-secondary education, he is still paying the same amount of child support so the younger child is not deprived. How is it fair that she has not provide any financial support to either child. I believe both the mother and father have to take responsibility. I am sorry that there are so many men that fail to provide for their children but there is a equal amount of women that have children solely to get child support. Me and my husband have decided to have children, but I financial support my children. <br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-18494097491594590172013-05-19T16:43:44.141-04:002013-05-19T16:43:44.141-04:00So how do we get these laws changed?? Everyone who...So how do we get these laws changed?? Everyone who is NOT receiving child support agrees that the "child support chart" is not fair, I struggle to pay my bills living pay cheque to pay cheque while my ex takes extended unpaid summer holidays. I have "shared custody" I have my child 50% of the time, so I support her 50% of the time, I added up what it costs to raise a child her age and I am giving my ex twice that amount every month and supporting my child 50% of the time on top of that seriously who comes up with these charts?? As a result I am very bitter with me ex, all the problems and stress this has created isn't good for any of the family all over money. LETS GET THIS CHANGED. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-64561553671787524262012-11-22T22:08:49.100-05:002012-11-22T22:08:49.100-05:00Belinda Poole
I have to say , i think child suppo...Belinda Poole<br /><br />I have to say , i think child support is very unfair to the payor. I have 2 children of my own and divorced due to my ex having an affair. I never once went after him for full support as I didn't want my children to live with me and see me eating steak going out and yet go to their dads and live in poverty there and eat kraft dinner. Yes he made a mistake but at the end of the day we decided to have our children and the lifestyle they were accostumed to at that time of the divorce is the lifestyle we maintained for them mutually, without me benefitting from his growth in his job and raises.<br /><br />I have since re married and my current husbands ex that wanted out of the marriage drags him to court constantly for more money every year in excess of 1300/month. My children suffer as i help him to pay her. Mean while he makes about 73k pays taxes then another 15k to her and takes home about 40k when all is said and done. She lives high on the hog working at the casino , collecting over 200 in tips per night 5 days a week, collects her 15k from him and her wage of 34k. Tell me how this is fair. There is no betterment for the payor and she repeats all the benefits. She doesn't claim her tips in excess of over 25k/year and nets over 65k per year. Then on top of that if we want the kids we have to pay to fly them to see us and she will not share that exspense. HOW is the payor of child support suppose to better themselves. I believe incomes should be 50/50 split or whatever the payor was making at the time of separation is what the ex receives as that's the lifestyle the ex and children were accostumed to. Any comments feel free to email me at bhuiz@hotmail.com. I've been on both sides of this fence and the law is very unjust!<br /><br />BelindaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-62996675055315057622012-10-20T00:19:27.340-04:002012-10-20T00:19:27.340-04:00Andrew T are you for real? Do you really think th...Andrew T are you for real? Do you really think that most marriages split up because the man want to "upgrade" to a newer version? Actually, it is well documented that over 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. That's because it is much easier to divorce if you are pretty certain you are going to get the kids and the cash that comes along with them. How many men want to divorce, knowing that they are going to effectively lose their kids and a huge chunk of their income will go to support the ex. It is always easy to tell who really has never been down this road. Do we tell single moms or women that get pregnant a second time "too bad, you should have not had a second kid, that kid gets nothing". No, actually we go after the father and make him pay support for HER second kid. Do we make the moms who re-marry and have second kids only spend the child support on kid#1? Of course not, we let her spread her household income, including child support(which now includes more kids) evenly to ALL her kids. As it should be. For both families. Second children in intact families are the ONLY children that are deemed less "important" than other children. Currently any child, other than kids of fathers who pay child support, are deemend to require their fathers financial support, whether it's a one-night stand, or a second divorce. But the truth of the matter is that these men that we marry, that are paying support, are the good guys. Child support, in reasonable levels, has pretty much been supported by all the posters on the board, even us evil 2nd wives (lol). But the amounts are simply too high, and people not living it, just don't get it. They don't get that the child support is one small part of a bigger financial burden. We pay taxes on that money, but it leaves our houses. We support a dependent (the first kids) but don't get to claim them for tax credits. We don't share in child tax benefits, even though we are also supporting the children. We then have to pay "extra" expenses on our WHOLE income again, as if the child support (which we paid taxes on and sent to the ex) is still in our homes, so we pay on this fictional amount of money AGAIN. We get turned down for provincal help for funding for OUR kids with things like playschool or sports funding, because our income are deemed too high, becasue they figure we have all the income we paid taxes on, only we DON'T have it, plus the "extras" we paid for are gone too. But now our children don't get the financial help when they need it. Those lousy second children, should have never been born I guess. Our kids get a scrap of CCTB. If they based it on our real household incomes (after CS, other expenses) we'd be getting a fair amount, instead of a pittance (while the ex doesn't claim it, so gets ways more for the kids than she would get if she actually had to claim the child support income in her home). In the end, I am sure that on top of child support and extras, the tax loop-holes that exclude us in every manner, make our households lose on average another $400/month. So, to people like Andrew T., do you really think the fathers couldn't support ALL their kids better if things were not soooo in favor of the custodial parent? There are plently of good fathers and second wives that are working very hard and paying child support, but the system really is broken and it is so complicated, that unless you LIVE it, you really don't get it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-73057713522799493432012-10-16T13:16:46.480-04:002012-10-16T13:16:46.480-04:00Hi second families!
In the beginning of sept 2012 ...Hi second families!<br />In the beginning of sept 2012 I sent out emails to all 305 MP's about our situation regarding my disabled child living in extreme poverty as a direct result of child support, the income tax act and disability supports use of the income tax act. Child support is seen as the right of the child, which is in my opinion is true. The amounts however are absurd. The rights of the children of the subsequent union are IGNORED, our children do not have the same rights as the first born. According to the UN convention of 91, all children are supposed to have the same rights! Canada signed with the convention in 1991! I have started getting replies from Gail Shea, Leona Aglukkag, James Flaherty, Rob Nicholson and Harper himself! Email, people, email!!Second but best!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-28774752393121345352012-10-15T00:46:04.217-04:002012-10-15T00:46:04.217-04:00Yes indeed! The fathers pay and believe its ok to ...Yes indeed! The fathers pay and believe its ok to move on and have children with another spouse. After all it is okay for the woman to as she is never accountable anyways (a woman could live off of multiple men). This is why the laws don't state that your second born children will be neglected when it comes to support for your fist born. After all that would be "PREDJUDICE". Its not written that way, but we all are clearly aware it is that way, and none other. This is a very bad message we tax payors paid to have put out there by our government. People seeking child support should start seeking a job (well a lot of them) thierselves and in particular cases. Some very wise words... Don't get mad, don't get even... GET AHEAD! Work out fair monies for CHILD SUPORRT and cut out these collection agencies and all the stress that you put on eachother!! It effects the children! Selfish! Selfish! I resent my mother for hounding my father... He tried his best, and she sat on mothers allowance and believed she should be paid to be a "stay at home mom". That's not a career, its a nanny! Be parents!!! The kids will grow up and realize this bull!!!! Trust me, as I am one of them!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-82544650595504086352012-10-15T00:32:36.865-04:002012-10-15T00:32:36.865-04:00MP, OR CBC... The government can't hide these ...MP, OR CBC... The government can't hide these people from the taxpayor any longer! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-59758898903480511462012-10-15T00:31:18.782-04:002012-10-15T00:31:18.782-04:00Not even half that!!! I raise two on my own and ea...Not even half that!!! I raise two on my own and earn 70,000 a year! I don't spend that on the each and every month or even through out the year and they are spoiled rotten! These people have to stop being soo nieve! No one should be paid to be a parent, and the other have should have to "step up" and match it! Big words a lot of parents are using against the working paying fathers! Step up? Mommy, you carried the baby, your not pregnant anymore! Get to work like every body else! We need room for the real bums on welfare and the real disabled people! Disability claims, welfare! But ask these people and they will not say they are disabled! Just to work, but for nothing else! Pathetic! And the tax payor pays! How many people need to support their asses!! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-43229927687783476152012-09-29T11:38:28.827-04:002012-09-29T11:38:28.827-04:00Well get this. My girlfriend suffered an episode o...Well get this. My girlfriend suffered an episode of depression mainly caused by her ex. He then uses this time frame to brain wash the children and prevents any contact over 2 years. he wants child support. Him and his new family make over $180k a year. So my girlfriend pays child support even though she never did naything wrong other than to submit to his harassment. To unilaterally steal the children away was bad enough, but to have to pay child support for children who have no repsect or responsibility is far too much. There is no common sense and the parental alienator knows this. There is no recourse almost.<br /><br />So it is not just men who get burned, it is women who made the mistake of marrying a harasser and manipulator. This is so sad to see "children" who by the way are 18 and 16 team up with a "brain washer" and cause hell to second families.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-30550744276534386092012-09-21T11:43:51.764-04:002012-09-21T11:43:51.764-04:00I've been on both ends. I never took a dime fr...I've been on both ends. I never took a dime from my ex. It's not about money and I didn't want any. I'm also a second wife as well. I am not against child support. I believe that every child is worth the same amount. The government should create a flat rate. So if it costs 200 to raise a child per month then you pay 200 regardless of income. If you have 3 kids you pay 600 or whatever the government deems appropriate. Income shouldn't matter. Why would a woman better herself when she can sit on her fat ass and collect? Why would a man better himself if he has to pay more money. My husband walked away from his two kids because 1 we can't afford to feed two more mouths. And 2 his ex is the laziest goldfigger ever. She barely works and went to Mexico twice this year, once by herself. We can't make ends meet. And he misses his kids desperately but it was a painful decision to make. A flawed system by far. Everything should be a flat rate, income tax, child support, baby bonus etc. Why suffer if you at successful?? Things are so bad, my husband talks about ending his life far too often. Can't wait to tell my kids and step kids that the reason daddy killed himself was so fatass could buy her self new purses and go to the spa. Lots of guys walk away, not because of children, because of bitter exes. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-31490239320608602882012-09-13T14:50:49.293-04:002012-09-13T14:50:49.293-04:00Hey all you second wives out there, I have a story...Hey all you second wives out there, I have a story, Some news and a suggestion.<br />My husband and I have been together going on 10 years, he has 4 beautiful kids from a previous marriage and we have one as well. My son has autism, it is classed as servere.I live in Saskatchewan any support from the provincial government is income capped for special needs kids. In july 2011 all my funding and support from the provincial government was cut off because of our "high income" Keep in mind I can not even bring in enough money to supplement the child support payments. So in july I had to quit my job to stay home and care for my son. My son's added expenses total over $6000 per year for nutritional supplements and incontenance supplies.We have had 2 "undue hardship" claims, and both we lost, the latest one was in april 2012 This is when I started emailing. I have emailed every level of government, both provincial and federal explaining what happened in both cases. I emailed my MP, the Minister of Health for both levels of government (our children live in poverty), the Minister of Justice for both federal and provincial, the Minister of finance (child support is tax exempt which in many cases since child support isn't shown on our taxes we do not qualify for any assistance) and every single MLA in this province. Every single one of my emails were then forwarded to the Minister of Justice, and I mean every single one! I have also emailed many senetors. I finally got some attention! If you look through the parliment website you will find that the rules of "undue hardship" are different between the province. Quebec for example, they have a civil code in their guidelines which forces the judge to take ALL the children into consideration, not just the children in the recipents home. There have been some changes in BC's system as well. I am not entirely sure about this one. it is new and maybe not comming into force until 2013. But if I am understanding correctly if there is an undue hardship claim, and the claim is warrented (more kids) then the court will send someone out to assess both households! Something like that anyway. The really great news is I finally got some positive feed back at the provincial level. We have a new Minister of Justice in Saskatchewan and he forwarded my emails to a member of the Crown Counsel, who is also involved with Policy, Planning and Evaluation Branch in Saskatchewan. I am very pleased to inform you that this person has asked for access to our court files going back to 2007 and also has been in touch with both the Quebec and BC's justice system to verify their procedures! This person knows the system needs to change, it is too late for us my husband is declairing bankruptcy soon but we still have 6 years to pay. With a little luck and more pressure from "second" wives maybe things can change! One thing I do need to clarify is my husband is not my son's bio father, my son's father died when he was young, there are no death benefit's either. My suggestion is sign every petition you can find for change and send emails to all your MLA's in your province, send emails to the Minister of Justice (not through the contact form, you can find thier email addresses on the parliamnet website) of both governments, send emails to both Minister of health and the minister of finance. With your emails be sure to include pictures of your children. It is alot of work time and effort that I am hoping it will pay off.Second but best!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-78402303176369037942012-09-13T00:38:27.415-04:002012-09-13T00:38:27.415-04:00I just typed out a post that was too long to expla...I just typed out a post that was too long to explain and define the specifics of how these guidelines based on the income of the payor and not the needs of the children (all paternal children) in fairness affected me as a Canadian. It is definitely causing severe problems and costing amazing amounts for the tax paying family, and I cannot even begin to explain my story as I may have to write a book! definite discrimination, unlawful practices, child abuse and neglect of interest's as per court orders!Sad Sad Sad, and it will continue as it has for recipients to have free lawyers, support, health, and do not contribute them selves even half the amount they are receiving! No child lives on these amounts... some adults do... and if you make them fair and double them (so both parents show receipts of contribution ie.. 600/month x2=1200 if its fair) Thats completely ridiculous! Parents would talk about what they could afford to at given times. The paying parent with 2 children in his home are disregarded and not considered under our own laws?? I think that is Child neglect and could it not be a form of child abuse and ignorance? thats right.. So write to your MP! May be the only thing I can think..I have, no response but maybe he needs 30,000? maybe 700,000? I dunno maybe just the 1/4 send one who are going through it! Call CBC, News papers, Lobby... 1 hr writing a letter to your MP can save years of agony on these children and hard working support payors! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-49591624488867608412012-09-11T21:40:38.558-04:002012-09-11T21:40:38.558-04:00As a mom in a second family, I'm now realizing...As a mom in a second family, I'm now realizing I have to look out for my child....I love my stepchildren dearly and support them as much as possible....but when it is all said and done, my child will receive a lot less in the end...no fancy vacations and possibly not as much for post-secondary education and/or living expenses (i am an older mother - retirement age when my child will enter university). I am going to make sure this is taken care of in the Wills....stepchildren will get less than my child..just to even it out. I am not taking child support into consideration as that money went to mom's mortgage/fancy stuff and of course feeding the children. I will make sure it is written into the Will that my child's education and living expenses are considered before splitting the pot evenly among all the children. My child is 12 years younger with only us to inherit from...the others have many sources of support.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-87545598126385548492012-08-07T14:47:58.909-04:002012-08-07T14:47:58.909-04:00I read these comments and realize I am not alone.....I read these comments and realize I am not alone...we pay $1400. per month for 2 kids, plus extras, the boy plays 4 instuments, the girl 12 yrs old, has art lessons to the tune of $600. ? what? my husband and I can only take a weekend or two camping or staying with a friend..this is SPOUSAL support..you cant tell me it takes more than $700. to care for a 12 yr old..PLUS we pay dental, summer camp, horse riding lessons, etc etc...they just had A ONE MONTH VACATION....they do it EVERY YEAR!!!! and then mini holidays thru the year....question is HOW DO WE CHANGE THIS? The mother now wants more, my husband works 6 days a week, his health is failing and we are about ready to move into a rural area and quit everything....DONE AND DONE!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-36169257173658140262012-07-08T12:10:51.453-04:002012-07-08T12:10:51.453-04:00Oh and as far as the comment to raise child suppor...Oh and as far as the comment to raise child support for second family fathers....this is a comment obviously coming from a greedy ex wife wanting what she is NOT entitled to so she can buy that PRADA PURSE instead of putting away for the child themselves. Might I add I am a child from a single parent that asked for nothing from my father and did it on her own. Grow up LADIES And Move on and stop making these men PAY for your bitterness!!!!!Jennifer2ndwifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14001135952727051491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-82273592772268222752012-07-08T12:07:33.265-04:002012-07-08T12:07:33.265-04:00I am disgusted by the comments by Andrew T and oth...I am disgusted by the comments by Andrew T and others in agreement.To start I was a single childless woman who never knew the unfair and greedy conundron of the ex wives club and the unfair government that supports it. My husband has always paid his support and that still is not enough for his ex who chooses to MILK the system. We have been lied about, refused access and countless other issues and the only thjing we can do to fix it is TAKE IT BACK TO COURT $$$$$$$. We have (responsibly) 2 other children and if it wasnt for his SPOILT child from his ex wife we could spoil ours a litte bit. NOW we are paying for 71% of tutoring while she socks away money into RRSP (of which we cannot afford) that lower her income. Not to mention the fact that she does not have to declare the $25000 GROSS income from us and we have to pey extraordinary expences based on this money existing in our pockets. WHAT!!!! Not to mention the extra $250 a month we spend on tutoring is just replacing the fact that his 15 year old daughter rarely attends school as it is...oh so you say then have it canged....BACK IN COURT$$$$$$. The ex can write off legal fees...we cannot!! By your rediculaous comment ANDREW T et al....once a man has sired a child he is PUNISHED for the rest of his life by not being given the decency to have a fresh start!! We are NEVER asking to neglect paying waht is appropriate....But honestly the system as it is is FAR from appropriate for the fathers.Jennifer2ndwifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14001135952727051491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-5342679193827572592012-04-02T13:15:53.531-04:002012-04-02T13:15:53.531-04:00Loved your comment Andrew T! And to add, men who c...Loved your comment Andrew T! And to add, men who complain about paying child support yet go off and have more children by someone else are just idiots. <br /><br />It's not fair to your original child(ren) to go off and start a second family. If anything, child support should be raised even more, maybe that would encourage a bit more family values. If you fail your first family, then you sure as heck have no right to go and start another one. <br /><br />Does anyone ever ask themselves "how does having kids by someone else affect my original children?" No matter how you look at it, starting a second family takes time, money, and resources away from your original children. <br /><br />Adults need to think about how their actions affect their kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-24420364628280052072012-01-05T04:26:46.660-05:002012-01-05T04:26:46.660-05:00To all second wife whiners: Don't marry a man ...To all second wife whiners: Don't marry a man who has minor children for whom he is paying child support. Simple as that.<br /><br />I hear a second wife whining "But it's my <i>right</i> to have children with my husband."<br /><br />Yes, you have the <i>right</i> to have children with whomever you please. You also have the <i>responsibility</i> of choosing a man who can support <i>all</i> of his children. Choosing a man who cannot do this--REGARDLESS OF HOW UNFAIR THE LAW IS--is an irresponsible choice. <br /><br />You know full well going into this that the child supports laws are stacked against you. Yet you choose to marry and have children with this man in spite of this. To put it bluntly, that is stupid.<br /><br />Being a second wife with non-custodial step children is a choice. A stupid choice. You could have easily married:<br /><br />a childless man<br />a man with adult children<br />a custodial father<br /><br />But no, you married a man with child support obligations to his first family. First come, first served. If you don't like being second best, don't become a second wife and make a second family.<br /><br />On a touchier note, second wives have no right to feel resentful toward first wives. They were there first before you came into the picture. YOU chose to enter the picture, the first wife did not have a choice.<br /><br />If your husband dumped his first wive to "upgrade" to a younger model, what makes you think he won't do the same to you? Everyone knows that second marriages have higher rates of divorce than first marriages. If you're the "other woman," what makes you think he won't cheat on you and replace you with another other woman?<br /><br />Frankly, I think these unfair laws are a good thing, because they might make men think twice before dumping their first family willy-nilly.<br /><br />If my comment touches a raw nerve with some of you second wives, good. You need a reality check on your bad choice.Andrew T.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-21419611350460696332011-07-09T16:45:03.606-04:002011-07-09T16:45:03.606-04:00I am a second wife, we have struggled for 8 years ...I am a second wife, we have struggled for 8 years to support his 4 kids and our household. My son is from a previous marriage, my son's father died, there is no survivour benefits or anything. My son is disabled...I have always worked full time to put food on the table, the support payments are always on time and in full. The government of Saskatchewan has cut off ALL of my services for my son..I have had to quit my job..the ex-wife shrew is now taking us to court for more money...without my income there is only $500 for gas, groceries, diapers and nutritional supplements...Iam scared!! Something must be done to save these "second" families...we are not "second"...we are families it should not make a damn bit of difference...these kids should all be treated equal. my husband loves my son and my son loves my husband. My son is classed as nonverbal and every night he will not go to bed without saying goo nigh i yyuy you to my husband.We have been put in a position we have no control over and will loose everythingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-25363245502844820072011-03-27T20:32:16.017-04:002011-03-27T20:32:16.017-04:00I am in the same boat as you.. I have been dealing...I am in the same boat as you.. I have been dealing with this stupid issues for the last 6 years.. How do you handle it.. Have you been able to stay out of their problems.. I have a hard time.. because it is affecting my life with my family.. we can always help who we fall in love with..Connienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-8097156526525767122011-03-14T16:12:28.281-04:002011-03-14T16:12:28.281-04:00I am the second wife and have gone through 10 year...I am the second wife and have gone through 10 years of hell dealing with my husbands ex wife, access issues, support issues and with 2 kids of my own am at my wits end. Can all this talk start making headway to a higher entity and have the laws ajusted to reflect a fair situation for all involved. Tell me where to start!!!Jennifer APnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11931513.post-2075441675089947932010-12-14T19:44:01.906-05:002010-12-14T19:44:01.906-05:00My husband has a daughter from a previous casual r...My husband has a daughter from a previous casual relationship. The mother married her now husband when the child was a year old, they have 2 more children of their own. I have been with my husbad since his daughter was 2. The mother did not acknowledge him on the BC. He was always willing to pay child support, and wanted to have a father & daughter relationship with his child. They had a DNA test done to prove his paternity. We have 2 more children of our own as well. So we are almost a mirror image of each other. We have the privelege of having his daughter once a week, and every second weekend. We would love to have a week on week off custody arrangement. But her mother finds all kinds of excuses to avoid that situation. According to the Guidelines my husband should pay $670 a month to his daughters mother which would put us in such a tough financial position. If we paid $670 for each of our kids every month that would be $2010/month. We bring in $3700 after taxes so with our mortgage of $1740 a month we would be left with a deficit of $50 a month. Where is the logic in that? We have a home with a room just for her, she has clothes, books, toys, everything she needs while she's here. We pay an out of court agreed upon amount of $350, roughly 10% of the amount of his net income, which is a lot more appropriate in my eyes. Thank goodness for amicable situations. BUT should things change and we would be forced to pay the guideline amount, we'd need to sell our home, which we have worked and sacrificed so much for. How can we be treated the same as a father with no other children and zero time with his child? Our situation is unique, and should be assesed for what it is. I understand there are a lot of single mom's out there struggling to make ends meet, but my step-daughter's mom is not one of them. There are so many great, reliable, responsible men out there who deserve financial comfort just as much as the mother and child do. She had the right to have a second family, and so did he.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com